Feel Like A Family

The more you love someone, the easier it is to take good care of them, right? If only we were built that way! Family is often the source of not only our greatest joys, but also our greatest difficulties. You're so emotionally invested, that it's actually harder to stay calm and keep your head on straight. Things feel very important, and yet are often outside of our control as parents. You don't get to decide when your child will actually eat, go to bed, give up or give it their best shot, or use their manners. And yet the weight of the responsibility for raising a child who can thrive in the modern world rests heavily on your shoulders. To add to the challenge, the target keeps moving, as each child continues to develop and change over time, and encounters new situations as they mature.

Family therapy can help caregivers and young people feel like a family and enjoy those strong bonds. When day-to-day life has become a struggle, all the warmth can drain out of the room, even when we still love each other. When parents are not on the same page, you feel like two people paddling a canoe in different directions. This overall emotional-tone of stress rather than warmth is a problem, but it can be solved. I believe that families thrive when parents understand their child's needs (and limits), stay connected with them, and feel competent in their role in guiding them. Parents are people too, so family therapy can include looking at our own self-regulation skills, family history, as well as our assumptions and understandings of what is truly effective when it comes to parenting. As a family therapist my goal is to get to know each individual, and to collaborate in identifying practical steps forward that feel doable and hopeful. No matter the situation, it is possible to improve family trust and well-being.

My approach to family therapy is based on my years of experience working alongside other family therapists at Oasis Center, and is informed by the Strategic Family Therapy model of Cloe Madanes, and the Evidence Based Parenting course by Dr. Justin Coulson. Sessions are often varied, and may include (or not include) one-on-one coaching with parents, same-page-parenting sessions with all co-parents, confidential sessions with teens, as well as family-meeting style sessions with all hands on deck. Homework is often recommended, and may include movie nights, ice cream dates, getting creative together, or trying out a different approach to the "how was your day" moment in the routine. Family therapy that is mandated and forced is rarely therapeutic, and may cause harm, so that is not my style. Even the youngest participants must consent to participate, and will have the option to say "no thank you." Because family therapy can easily feel bad and go off the rails, the structure of sessions is customized and collaboratively determined, based on the details of each unique situation.